I hope this letter finds you somewhere between sipping that third cup of coffee and contemplating why on earth our son Cameron thinks 3 a.m. is party time...or we're past that part aren't we? First off, let me just say: if loving you were a sport, I'd be breaking world records, wearing a gold medal like BOSS... and probably still forgetting 90% of everything.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately—dangerous, I know. Ever since Cameron graced us with his nightly vocal performances, things have been... let's say, a tad chaotic. Sleep has become a mythical creature we tell tales about, much like unicorns or Cameron making it without pooping all day. Amidst the diaper explosions and the mysterious sticky substances on every surface, I've sensed that you feel I'm drifting away. But trust me, if I were drifting, it would only be towards a pillow so you could take a nap.
I want to assure you that my love for you hasn't wavered one bit. In fact, it's only grown stronger—much like Cameron's red faced lung capacity. You see, you're the harmony to my melody, the Wi-Fi to my smartphone; without you, I'm just not connected to what matters. (Fuck you, I'm corny, so what?!)
I know our situation isn't the textbook definition of "traditional." I mean, how many couples can say they pretended to binge-watch an entire season of a show in one night while you steadily stood vigilant assembling a crib that came with instructions only in Swedish? (Or you acted like they did.) And let's not forget, you love me even though I'm gay—which, by the way, makes our love story far more interesting than any rom-com out there. Hollywood should be taking notes. (By Hollywood, I’m really meaning the gay pornstars...lol)
Remember when we first met? You tripped over that stack of books in the library, and I awkwardly tried to help by picking them up, only to drop them again when I saw the "How to Understand Gay Men" title. Lol, because that's a better memory than acknowledging where I really was. But from that moment, I knew there was something extraordinary about you. You saw me—not just the labels or the complications—but me. And that's rarer than finding someone who enjoys pineapple on pizza. (Yeah bitch, you'll eat it and love it.)
These past few months, we've embarked on the wild rollercoaster of parenthood. And while the ride comes with its share of sudden drops and sharp turns (and the occasional projectile spit-up), there's no one I'd rather hold onto during this adventure than you. Yes, Cameron takes up a lot of time—and a surprising amount of space for someone so small—but every coo and giggle reminds me of the incredible journey we're on together.
I admire your strength, your patience, and your ability to function on two hours of sleep. You're like a superhero whose power is making everything better with just a smile. And if I'm sometimes quiet or seem distant, it's probably because I'm lost in thought, wondering how I got so lucky—or plotting how to convince Cameron that nighttime is, in fact, for sleeping.
Let's make a promise to carve out a little "us" time, even if it means scheduling a date between diaper changes and feedings. Veronica, you are my confidante, my partner in crime, and the only person who laughs at my dad jokes—which have exponentially increased since Cameron arrived, by the way. Thank you for accepting me wholly, for loving me unconditionally, and for always knowing me better than I know myself at times.
I don't want you to ever feel like I'm slipping away. If anything, I'm anchoring myself closer to you, albeit in the future it'll probably be under a pile of baby toys and laundry. Our family might not fit the mold, but who wants to be cookie-cutter anyway? We bake our own cookies here, and sometimes they come out a little burnt on the edges, but they're made with love—and extra chocolate chips, because we're fancy like that. Pinky fingers up bitches!
So here's to the beautiful mess that is our life. Let's continue writing our story, page by page, spill by spill, and laugh by laugh. And if ever you doubt my devotion, just remember that I’d rather fight 10 chicken-sized bears than take a step without you.
With all my love,
Baby DoodleBootyButt
- Me
Dear Veronica,
There are so many things I want to say, but the first is this: thank you. Thank you for being you—for being patient, understanding, and so full of love. I know I don’t always express it the way I should, but you are the most important person in my life, the one who grounds me and keeps my heart whole.
Lately, work has taken so much of my energy and time, and for that, I am deeply sorry. I see how much you give, how much you support me even when I’m distracted or preoccupied. You’ve been my rock, my steady hand, and I know it hasn’t always been fair to you. You deserve more than rushed conversations or tired smiles at the end of long days. You deserve the best of me, and I promise to work on giving you that.
When I think about us—you, cameron and i coupled with our love, our life together—I feel overwhelmed with gratitude. You’ve brought so much joy and light into my world. The way you care for me, the way you laugh, the way you always seem to know what I need—it’s magic to me. You remind me every day that love isn’t just a feeling; it’s a choice, a commitment, and a gift. And you give all of that so freely.
I want you to know that everything I’m doing, all this effort and hard work, is for us. But even so, I know that’s no excuse to let these precious moments slip by. I want to be better, to be more present, to give you the attention and love you’ve always given me without hesitation.
You are my heart, my soul, and my safe place. I don’t take any of it for granted—not your love, your kindness, or your endless patience with me. I know I’ve been busy, but please know that in every quiet moment, in every breath I take, I’m thinking of you. You’re the reason I push forward, the reason I dream bigger, the reason I always find my way back to what truly matters.
I love you more than words can capture. You are my everything, my partner, my one true love. Thank you for being you, for loving me, and for reminding me every day of how beautiful this life we share truly is.
With love,
Baby DoodleBootyButt
Merry Christmas! I know I’m chiming in a touch after the sleigh bells have stopped ringing, and it’s already ten minutes past the start of December 26th, but I hope this letter can sprinkle a little of that missed Christmas magic onto your day. I’m here, pen in hand (well, keyboard at fingertips), writing under the soft glow of the computer screen instead of our Christmas tree lights, embarrassingly late yet earnestly eager to convey my love and apologies.
Veronica, I've been a royal grinch the past few weeks—caught up in what can best be described as ‘the dumbest stuff’, allowing my stress to cloud over the important things, like the warm moments I should be spending with you and our delightful Scrunch. It seems I've been so lost in the tinsel-tangled mess of life that I've neglected the very hearts that make my own beat stronger every day.
You and Cameron mean the world to me. Every giggle from our little Scrunch and every smile from you light up my days brighter than the most overdressed Christmas tree. Yet here I am, having let the silly worries of the world keep me from saying the simplest but most important words at Christmas to the two people who own my heart: Merry Christmas, my loves.
In this comedic tragedy of my distraction, where I'm the goofy protagonist who missed the grand Christmas cue, I hope you can find some humor. Picture me, probably like a character in a bad holiday movie, tripping over my own feet to set things right, sliding across the icy patch of my own making, and landing face-first into the realization of what truly matters—us.
Doodle Booty, my dearest Veronica, and Cameron, my mini-hero Scrunch, I am genuinely sorry for letting the Grinch in me win these past days. But here's my Christmas promise, albeit delivered in a slightly crumpled, post-25th package: I am here, more aware and more in love with you both than ever. My resolution, as we near the New Year, is to not let the trivial troubles keep me from the treasure that is our family. You both are my priority, my joy, and my peace.
I am, and always will be, thinking of you. The little moments we share, the simple evenings we have of merkin nem "bitch ass hoes" :), toppled with our son's laughter—these are the memories that I cherish during my days. They remind me of what's truly important, and I vow to keep these treasures clear and close to my heart, never to be overshadowed by the mundane worries of life again.
Expect more from me, not just as a partner, and a father but as your fellow adventurer in this wild, sometimes bizarre journey of life. Let’s make more memories, share more laughs, and yes, even navigate more stresses, but together, as a team that can find something to giggle about even when things look glum.
With all the love and laughter in my heart,
With love,
Baby DoodleBootyButt
Dear Baby Doodlebooty Butt,
I'm not anywhere close to as good at love letters as you are, which is probably why I enjoy yours so much. I can never seem to find words with enough depth to really explain just what you mean to me, but I'm gonna try real hard.
You light up my world, the way you smile, the way you laugh, the way you sing, the look on your face when you're all self-conscious and most of all the look on your face when you got slimed by Cameron... it all makes me smile every time I think about it.
I'm really not ever going to go anywhere. You're my rock, my safe place, when anything happens my first reaction is to tell you. I don't ever want to have a tomorrow that doesn't have you in it.
I guess what I'm really saying is I'm yours now and forever. I love you endlessly. I love you always. I love you forever.
With love, your wife,
Veronica
I'm writing you this letter not just to share my thoughts but to convey my deepest feelings from the confines of this place that keeps me far from you and Cameron. Every day, I wake up with a weight that presses deeply on my soul, the weight of missing out on the beautiful moments of our son's childhood and the radiant smile that brightens your face.
I know things have been incredibly tough, and our conversations sometimes turn into arguments that neither of us want. I've heard your concerns, and I understand why you might feel that someone else taking my attention away from you. Please believe me when I say that you are the only one I love, the only one I think about, and the only one I dream of when the lights go out here.
I'm not trying to make excuses for my past or the decisions that led me here when it comes to this place. I know I've made mistakes...big ones, that have cost us precious time together which I regret. What I am trying to do every day is find ways to support us, even from behind these walls. Every hustle, every plan I make is for you and Cameron. I want to provide for you, to lessen the burden on your shoulders, and to see that beautiful smile of yours, which is the highlight of my day, even from afar.
I miss you, Veronica. I miss us. I miss being able to laugh with you, to share in our little jokes, to call you my Doodle Booty as I get so lost in your voice. That sound, your laugh, is the melody I play over and over in my head when the nights get too quiet. Please know that I'm still here. I'm not gone anywhere. My heart is with you, always.
Let’s hold onto the love that has seen us through so many storms. Let’s remember the good times and believe that there are more good days ahead. I am here, fighting every day to come home to you, to be the man you deserve and the father Cameron needs. You are my world, Veronica, and I am endlessly sorry for the pain my words may have caused.
With every ounce of my being, I love you more than words can express. Stay strong for us, my love. I'll be home as soon as I can make it happen. Until then, keep me in your heart, as I keep you in mine.
Forever yours,
Doodle Booty Butt
Doodle Booty,
You already know I’m a twisted mess of filth and depravity, and yet, here you are, still dealing with me. That means one of two things: you’re either the most patient woman on the planet, or you secretly love the power you have over me. (Let’s be real, it’s both.)
I live for the way you tear me down, the way you roll your eyes at me like I’m some sad little excuse for a man—which, let’s be honest, I am when I’m with you. That’s what makes it so perfect. You’re the goddess, the queen, the ultimate authority, and I’m just your pathetic little plaything, desperate for your approval and your scorn in equal measure.
But somewhere in between the humiliation and the depravity, between the taunts and the degradation, between watching you take what you deserve and being reduced to the background noise of your pleasure, there’s something real. Something bigger than all of it. Because beyond the games, beyond the kinks, beyond the absolute wreckage you make of my so-called masculinity, I’m just hopelessly, stupidly, completely in love with you.
So when I tried to get you to say what I wanted, when I begged for the filthiest, cruelest things to come out of that perfect mouth, and it came out all wrong, I wasn’t saying you were a chore. I was saying I need that from you. That I need you to break me down because that’s how I feel closest to you. I wasn’t comparing you to laundry, baby. I was throwing myself at your feet, begging to be trampled on like the worthless little thing I am when I’m in your presence.
I know this relationship is twisted. I know people wouldn’t get it. But they don’t need to. Because we do. And that’s all that matters.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to sit here like a good girl and wait for whatever punishment you see fit for even needing to explain myself in the first place.
Yours,
Your pathetic little Doodle Slave
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